If You’re Ugly Then I am Ugly Too

“If you’re ugly then I am ugly too.” So sang Jon Bon Jovi on the truly awful solo album “Destination Anywhere” which came out getting on for 20 years ago.

However allow us, if we may, to use that line to talk about our two least favourite football figures Carlos Tevez, who we discussed here and “Wazza.”

Now I have to be honest, I wasn’t watching the game live on Friday (international football is as pointless as paying over the odds for 5 a side football in my book and there was boxing on the tele.) But I saw what Wayne Rooney did on the news and there is no defence. I notice today that he has written to Uefa to express his contrition in regard to the red card – perhaps he has brought some new crayons.

Of course it’s not without precedent for England’s most over-rated, supposedly world class player to behave, well, like a bit of a moron. Last season he spent more time on the front pages than the back, sulked, asked for a transfer came off the transfer list when offered a huge, fat contract, shot off to Dubai to celebrate his birthday while his team mates were playing a game, elbowed Wigan’s James McCarthy in front of the referee – and scored THAT goal against Man City (and be honest, another day it ends the proverbial row Z). This season it has to be said, that for Manchester United he has been outstanding but that belies the facts of his career at top level.

He routinely, for England, has gone missing. He is without a goal in tournament play since 2004 and he cannot be stacked up alongside the true greats of the game.

Ever since his first goal against Arsenal when he displayed the by now infamous “Once a blue, always a blue” there is something of the idiot about the lad. The finger is never too far from the self destruct button.

We have used this blog recently to defend footballers. They are not all morally bankrupt idiots who typify all that is wrong with British Society, never mind sport.  But they aren’t. Not all of them anyway – some of them are.

And amid the outcry over what they get paid it is worth remembering, as a mate of mine remarked once about a Premier League footballer who was forever getting into trouble “it doesn’t matter if you are on the £30 a week or £30 grand, a scumbag is still a scumbag.”

It is something Wayne can ruminate on when he is sitting out his ban in the Euro 2012 tournament (as an aside, will he even care? That’s another argument for another day – and another blog!) Personally on Thursday when Uefa meets to hand out its punishment on Rooney I hope they come down hard. He deserves, just for once to be made to pay for what he has done – he has got away with these instances for just too long.

And perhaps his looks have something to do with it. He’s got the plugs, he’s dyed them, and yet he still looks like Shrek.

As Jon Bon Jovi, on that same god-awful song we started with observed in the chorus, “There ain’t no rainbow in the sky when you feel u g l y” of course that might be the worst lyric ever put on paper, but perhaps if Wayne had a sunnier outlook he might just be a little less full of rage.

Either that or he can just go home and count his money. I suspect he’ll do the latter.

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Football's Ugly Side (And That's Just His Face)

"Manchester City can confirm that striker Carlos Tevez has been suspended until further notice for a maximum period of two weeks.

"The player's suspension is pending a full review into his alleged conduct during Tuesday evening's 2-0 defeat to Bayern Munich. "The player will not be considered for selection or take part in training whilst the review is under way."

So says the official statement on the “Citeh” website regarding what is now known as the “Carlos Tevez incident” (how long before it is called Tevez-gate?”)

So if before the Man City fans thought he was god, perhaps now he to quote Monty Python, “isn’t the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy.”

Tevez, as well as being hideously ugly (you certainly couldn’t say it was “Sexy Football” where he is concerned, could you?) is a very good footballer. I might even go so far as to say he is brilliant actually – he has ripped my team to pieces for both Manchester clubs and for that reason alone I would love to see the back of him.

But there are more reasons than just that one.

What Tevez did on Tuesday – and indeed how he has behaved for months and months – is just the sort of thing we hate here at sexyfootball.

These people need to know just lucky they are to play football for a living, and to refuse to come on as a substitute as he appears to have done is nothing short of a disgrace.

It might be that there was, as Tevez claims, a misunderstanding – although quite how there can be a misunderstanding in the phrase “you’re on, son” I am yet to establish – and he might still be the good professional he claims to be but the fans in the Sky Blue half seem to be decided on the issue – especially if the story that someone pinned a sign to his gate telling him he was a “disgrace” is true.

As you know, at Sexyfootball we like to save you money on 5 and 6 a side football, but our general ethos is that we love football and want to see it protected. With that in mind, we have an idea as to how Manchester City could save themselves £100,000 a week or more…..